


Lost You(th)

by tsunderei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adversity/Struggle, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Description of explicit violence, End of the World, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:38:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderei/pseuds/tsunderei
Summary: How do you confess to your best friend now that everything has changed, now that everything has ended?





	Lost You(th)

**Author's Note:**

> The other day I said I wanted to write something short where the plot or setting is vague, and where the character’s dialogue or actions don’t make sense at first. This is also why my tags are a bit incomplete because I don’t want to tag the AU itself and give everything away. I’m sorry about that but I think I’ve covered my bases with the tags I did put and I promise there’s no surprise major character death or anything, I would seriously never. Anyway, this is super self-indulgent but I had a lot of fun writing it! Thanks for being patient with me and I hope you like it!

It’s a beautiful evening but Hinata’s attention has long since drifted away from the view. Instead he stares at the small item nestled in his hand. He prods carefully at it, inspecting it with a frown. The object is so light he can barely feel it as it rolls back and forth across the grooves in his palm. Glints of melting sunshine catches on its edges, revealing small speckles of drying blood. He sighs, frustrated. Seems that plain water couldn’t get everything out of the creases.

But it’s just an old gold tooth. Maybe bleach will do the trick.

It was actually Kageyama who gave it to him. It was just the other day, at the tail end of a particularly exhausting raid. He said he’d picked the tooth up from the ground, only discovering it by chance after he’d smashed someone’s brains in. Hinata had been surprised; he didn’t think anybody wore dental fixtures like that anymore. Besides, he knows from experience that any sort of fake implant won’t separate that easily from the skull, much thanks to bolts and screws. But then again, if your face is on the receiving end of a baseball bat it will probably cost you a couple of teeth, at the very least.

Especially if Kageyama is the one who swings the bat.

Hinata can’t hit as hard as he does, not by a long shot. He needs two or three additional swings for his kill to be effective, but Kageyama can usually stop after one. It’s not like he wants to be any worse than him so he’s been practicing a lot, although he has to admit he hasn’t got the technique or the muscle. He’s also noticed that Kageyama has developed his own unique style. Before he swings he adds a small run-up of three or four steps, like he’s about to jump and spike a volleyball. It seems he took his killer serves and modified them, leaving only the killing part – and of course he’s always dead on target. Hinata can’t tell if his technique is a conscious decision or not, but considering how stupid Kageyama is in all his brilliance he probably moves on instinct alone.

That hasn’t changed, despite all the other changes. They’re definitely not the same as they used to be, it’s impossible for them to go back to that – but in the midst of it all Kageyama’s personality is somewhat familiar. Hinata is thankful for that.

He curls his hand into a fist around the gold tooth. Come to think of it, he’s accumulated a lot of these small Kageyama treasures by now. The storage cubby in his school desk is full of them. The first thing he received was a keychain, a plain-looking car logo made out of metal. Then he was given a signet ring, custom-made in white gold with the kanji for ‘water’ sealed into it. In his collection there’s also a single pearl earring, a butterfly hairclip, a chain necklace with a broken lock, and a belt buckle shaped as a pair of wings – just to mention a few.

The tooth is original, though. He’s kept it in his pocket ever since he got it.

Kageyama has become a thieving crow, a magpie regularly nicking shiny things from strangers. The only difference is that he had to kill all those strangers first. Hinata doesn’t know much about crows but he doubts they have that in common. Sure, they’re a murder when they flock together but Kageyama covers that description just fine on his own.

The cool breeze ruffles Hinata’s hair and he blushes in spite of it. All these small items are gifts. Kageyama has never said it outright, he always just nudges them into his hands without a word, but Hinata knows they are. And he shouldn’t feel flattered by this odd gesture but he can’t help it. Sometimes Kageyama is just too cool.

“Damnit,” he mutters under his breath, scowling. “Not fair.”

The gravel suddenly shifts behind him and he twitches with a moment’s fear. There are footsteps, emerging seemingly from nowhere, which is almost always a bad sign. Then he catches on an additional noise, the unmistakable scraping of a baseball bat being dragged along the ground. His fear immediately trickles away and pools into relief. He’d recognize that sound anywhere.

Hinata turns around and sure enough, he finds Kageyama glaring back at him. One hand is casually in his pocket, the other clutched firmly around the handle of his trusty weapon. He half-squints, half-frowns in the deep glow of the setting sun, the simple greys and whites of his clothes now drenched in yellows and oranges.

“I was looking for you, dumbass,” he grumbles. “Do you even realize how vulnerable you look right now?”

Hinata scoffs, waves his hand dismissively. “It’s fine.” He nods at his own baseball bat, which is leaning against the nearest streetlight. “It’s been quiet today, anyway.”

Kageyama walks up to him and gazes at the town below. They’ve been standing here like this many times before, in front of their high school late in the evening, only the two of them. Hinata would have his bike and Kageyama would have his gym bag. Sometimes they’d talk about the next volleyball match, sometimes they’d bicker about something dumb, but most of the time they’d just quietly admire the view. Then they’d head down to Sakanoshita and buy meat buns or popsicles. It seems so long ago.

Now, Sakanoshita doesn’t exist anymore. Kageyama misplaced his bag at one point, Hinata has no idea what became of his bike, and the view has changed. It’s been lost, just like everything else. The surrounding mountains are still there, the scavenging crows and the noisy cicadas too, but the town stretched out in front of them is different. The houses and shops are quiet. The streets are void of cars and buses. The electricity has been gone for months, leaving gaping windows and dark streetlights in its absence. It’s like an additional layer was added on top of their town, saturating their once familiar surroundings with new dangers, flipping the canvas of their world upside down literally overnight.

“We should go inside before it gets dark.”

Kageyama’s gruff voice pulls Hinata out of his somber thoughts. He tilts his head up to look at the other boy. Over the past few months Kageyama has become a bit more of everything – he’s grown a bit taller, his hair is a bit longer, his shoulders a bit broader, his jawline a bit sharper. His nightmares are also a bit scarier, his frown a bit deeper, his smile a bit fainter. Some changes can’t happen unless it’s at the expense of something else, something good, and Kageyama is proof of that. He’s grown up much too fast, in a way no teenager should, and sometimes Hinata catches himself longing for his silly, childish side, the one that was just starting to break through, the one he spent so long coaxing out of him.

His partner is familiar to him. And yet he’s not the same. His heart breaks for the both of them.

Hinata nods in agreement to Kageyama’s suggestion but neither of them moves. They’re quiet for a long moment, shuddering slightly in the late hour. The setting sun has nearly dropped into the horizon by now, sucking all the warmth and color out of the world.

“Hey, Kageyama…” Hinata opens his palm, where the gold tooth is still resting. “Why do you keep stealing all these things just to give them to me?”

Kageyama shrugs and looks off into the distance, his dark hair a rippling curtain in front of his blue eyes.

“No reason. And I’m not _stealing_ ,” he insists, pouting a little. “I’m collecting valuables and there’s no harm in that. It’s not like they’re useful to their owners anymore.”

“They’re not really useful to us either, though.”

The line of Kageyama’s mouth curls into an even deeper pout. “Figured you could pawn them some time, maybe.”

“Pawn them?” Hinata snorts a laugh. “Where? And for _what_? It’s not like money has any value nowadays. We steal anything _but_ money.”

Kageyama doesn’t answer, only averts his eyes, the tips of his ears reddening slightly. He’s embarrassed for some reason, Hinata can tell. He has learned that Kageyama is pretty much an open book when it comes to displaying his emotions, and this is definitely embarrassment coupled with a terrible attempt at lying.

There’s also something else hiding in his expression, however, something that lurks beneath his scowl. It’s constantly flitting in and out of his features (doubt? apprehension? worry?) but he opens his mouth to speak before Hinata can catch it.

“It’s easier,” Kageyama mutters.

“Easier…?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s easier?”

The hot pink of Kageyama’s ears has spread to his cheeks. He reaches up to rub at his neck, clearly bothered, and for a moment he looks like the sixteen-year old schoolboy he should’ve been. He grumbles irritably under his breath.

“This is stupid… It’s just _easier_ , alright?” he snaps, his complexion now burning red. “I wanna let you know how much I like you and it’s easier to do it like this.”

Hinata blinks at him, perplexed. This isn’t how he imagined the conversation would go, he didn’t expect this gravity and intensity at all, and now he’s suddenly blushing wildly, too.

“So, you’re saying that… you’re confessing… by giving me things…?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Kageyama replies tightly, through clenched teeth. “Dumbass.”

“But… why can’t you just _tell me_?”

They’re interrupted by the sound of slowly dragging footsteps and Hinata’s question remains unanswered. This sound is different, unnatural and staccato, but at the same time it’s not obscure. They both know what it is before even turning around.

The person hobbling unsteadily in their direction is in a badly decomposed state. The tufts of remaining hair are frayed and withering, a pair of torn and dirty slacks clings to a gaunt frame, a guttural groan rattles past a jaw that’s partly unhinged. It’s been a while since this person transformed and it happened fast. There are no traces left of any identifying features, or even any resemblance to a human being. There’s no way of telling who this used to be.

This fact was hard to accept in the beginning. Now it doesn’t matter anymore. They’ve stopped trying to recognize them.

Hinata reaches for his weapon but Kageyama is already way ahead of him. He expertly flicks his wrist, twisting the handle of his baseball bat into a steadier grip. With a sharp glare he faces the unknown wanderer, his pace falling into a slow jog, his strides long and deliberate, exactly like the run-up to a spike. His shirt stretches tightly across his back as he squares his shoulders, his bat raised, and then he leaps.

For a split second he’s suspended high in the air, floating within a pocket of slow motion, his back arched and his arms flexed.

A blink of an eye later he swings the bat with all his might, his perfect volleyball form morphing into something else, something deadly. Hard wood meets frail skull with a loud, sickening crack, and the wanderer jerks violently to the side before collapsing at Kageyama’s feet.

A near complete silence follows, only broken by Kageyama’s labored breath and the cawing crows in the distance. Hinata stares at his turned-away back, at the steady rise and fall of his shoulders, at his hair waving softly in the gentle wind. He wants to say something and make all the sounds come back, wants to stop him from just standing there so stiffly, but then Kageyama raises his bat once more and Hinata chokes on his words.

The wanderer is dead for real but Kageyama swings at them again – and again, and again. The evening echoes with a sludgy thump every time he brings the bat down, his movements erratic and much too violent, and the entire scene sends shivers down Hinata’s spine. He wants to look away but he can’t. Instead he just stares, caught in a trance without knowing what to do, until he catches a glimpse of Kageyama’s face and realizes his cheeks are wet with tears. That snaps his mind back into place, gets him moving at last.

“Hey, stop –” he begins weakly. “That’s – that’s enough…”

Kageyama just keeps going, like he didn’t hear him at all. Hinata knows he doesn’t stand a chance against him physically, and right now he’s terrified and confused, but he’s the only one who can be there for him. He’s the only other living human being in this place besides Kageyama, and he carries a lot of responsibility just by existing as such. Their last guarantee for survival is in each other. He can’t afford to stand by and watch his best friend fall apart.

Hinata comes close enough to touch and manages to wrap his arms around his waist, catching the other boy in a firm hug.

“It’s already dead, Kageyama!” he shouts, locking hand over wrist, squeezing tightly. “Just give it up! Stop!”

It’s like trying to move a mountain but Hinata persistently digs his heels into the ground and keeps pulling until Kageyama finally yields, allowing him to drag them both away from the limp corpse. The bloodstained bat slips from his hands with a clatter and Hinata presses his cheek against his warm back, hears the hollow sobs racking his body. After that it doesn’t take long before Kageyama starts sagging, his knees dropping, his limbs spent and pliant. Hinata carefully turns him around, catches him in his arms, and crumbles to the ground with him.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around Kageyama’s trembling shoulders. “It’s fine. Calm down.”

Hinata has never seen him react like this to a kill. He’s never seen him react like this to _anything._ Whenever it came to volleyball Kageyama was always one of their most reliable players. After everything happened he continued to be reliable, not once losing the focus he used to have on the court. But in the end everyone has a breaking point. Hinata knows that and it scares him.

“This is why…” Kageyama begins, his voice thick and muffled against Hinata’s shoulder. “This is exactly why I can’t just tell you. It’s because of _them._ ”

“What do you mean…?”

When he doesn’t respond Hinata breaks out of the embrace and gently cups his face in his hands, forcing him to look up. He brushes his thumb across his cheek, wiping away tears and dark drops of spattered blood.

“Tobio, what do you mean?”

Kageyama’s breath hitches at the sound of his given name, as though he’d forgotten all about it. He blinks, eyes red and puffy around the edges, teardrops stuck to his long lashes. Then he leans into Hinata’s touch with a heavy, resigned sigh.

“It’s crazy, you know… A whole freak plague passed through here and it didn’t touch us. We shouldn’t have been spared, there’s no reason for it. But we’ve really been here for almost six months now and all this time we haven’t seen anyone who isn’t dead. If they’re not dead they’ve turned into one of them, which is basically the same thing. We’re the only ones alive, the only ones still healthy.”

He pauses for a moment and then exhales a weak, defeated laugh, a broken attempt at lightheartedness.

“Maybe that old saying is true after all; that idiots can’t catch the cold.”

Once again his eyes fill with bitter, angry tears and Hinata almost starts arguing on instinct. He doesn’t want him to talk like that, he doesn’t want him to cry, and he doesn’t want to see that dejected expression on his face. But he knows Kageyama has more to say, and he knows it’s hard for him to open up like this, so for once he keeps his mouth shut.

“Our family, our friends…” Kageyama shrugs one shoulder and looks down at his hands, which haven’t stopped twitching. “No one’s gonna come back for us, no matter how long we wait. There’ll be no rescue teams, either. If there are other survivors I’m sure they won’t enter a tiny ghost town like this. In the end we’ll run out of supplies… Winter will arrive soon and it’ll get colder… And then we’ll be forced to leave, too. And that’ll make us even more vulnerable.”

He closes his eyes and clear blue disappears from the twilit evening, along with his tears. Silence has once more fallen around them, muting even the crows and the cicadas within its dark blanket. When he speaks again it seems the silence has also reached his voice, because Hinata can barely hear him.

“You’re all I’ve got, Shouyou. But you can be taken away from me. I wouldn’t know what to do if that happened. So… how can I confess when the situation is like this?”

Hinata’s heart sinks at those words, his insides heavy and cold – but he can understand where he’s coming from. He gets it. He knows these feelings cut much deeper than the fear of unrequited love. This is about the deep-rooted horror of having to experience another devastating loss in a series of losses. This is about the terror of literally ending up all alone in the world.

He’s familiar with these feelings; these fears. He struggles with them every time Kageyama leaves him one of his presents. He fears that this strange but sweet gesture of his will be the last one, that it’ll be his parting gift, that he’ll have to swing his bat at Kageyama’s head next.

So Hinata understands all of that. But even so, he disagrees.

“Seriously, you’re such an idiot.” He huffs and pulls Kageyama back into a hug. “Anything bad or dangerous can happen to any person, at any time, no matter their circumstances. Sometimes it just can’t be helped. Which is why it’s so important to let people know about stuff like this! Be upfront about it! Don’t wait until it’s too late!”

Hinata pauses, struggling against the burn behind his eyelids. He’s about to make a promise he knows he can’t keep for sure, but he thinks it’s something they both need to hear right now.

“If they ever get to me then there’s no way I’d go down without a fight, you should know that better than anyone. Don’t underestimate me, because I can hold my own better than you think. And we’ve got each other’s backs, as always. We’ll look out for each other. So I promise nothing bad will happen, to either of us.”

Kageyama doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t have to; his arms around Hinata’s waist are reassuring and comforting enough. For now, he seems satisfied. They remain in that close embrace for a little while longer, until the evening chill and their loudly growling stomachs get the best of them.

They mutter a quick prayer for the dead before finally heading indoors, where the evening proceeds just like every other – gather the blankets for bed, boil some water, clean up the best they can, prepare a simple meal. It’s an ordinary routine in an unsafe world, something that keeps the worries at bay, at least for a little while. The gas they need for their camping stove, their current access to bottled water, their stock of instant ramen and canned goods, even their supply of high school-approved baseball bats – it’s true that all of it will run out one day. It will force them to move on. But for the time being this is a haven more than good enough.

Hinata eats his baked beans and pasta in thoughtful silence, perched on the windowsill of a third-floor classroom in what used to be their old high school. It’s the building they’ve been camping in ever since the event, a building that pretty much saved their lives because they were too stubborn to stop practicing and go home like everyone else. They didn’t know it back then but that volleyball practice would be their last.

“So, uh… I like you, I guess.”

Hinata jolts out of his exhausted thoughts, all of a sudden wide awake. Next to him Kageyama squirms, awkwardly bumping their knees together in the cramped space.

“I mean, I _like_ like you,” he clarifies, as if it wasn’t already obvious, his cheeks blooming a deep crimson. “You said I should just tell you, so…”

It’s a teenage moment that should have happened at lunchtime or at training camp or after a game, not in the dark after a kill, but Kageyama’s adorable stupidity makes it sound so completely innocent that Hinata can’t help himself. Without another word he leans closer and kisses him, very quickly and a little off-center, just at the corner of his mouth. Kageyama’s face immediately goes beet red and Hinata laughs so hard his belly hurts.

It’s okay, even if things are like this. They’ve made it this far, on their own. They’ll keep going, despite the end of the world. They’ll get back on their feet, brush the dirt off, and they’ll keep going – together.

“Yeah, I got it,” he finally manages, his heart bursting with pure joy for the first time since everything changed and ended.

“I _like_ like you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> So it’s a zombie AU! Yay! Again, sorry for not tagging it. I’m not sure if I actually did what I set out to do, and maybe I gave it away already from the start – but yeah, I did envision the plot structure to be something like this. So I’m kinda pleased! As for post-apocalyptic fics… I’ve always wanted to write a longer one? But most likely not a zombie AU. I have some other ideas so whatever end of the word stuff I do write it won’t be a continuation of this. I realize that the ending is kinda open but I tried to make it as conclusive as possible (and I couldn’t resist ushering my boys back into safety lol). I hope it was enjoyable despite the angsty theme… Anyway, thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Feel free to talk to me on twitter [@tsun_derei](https://twitter.com/tsun_derei)!


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